SIR HUDIBRAS, HIS PASSING WORTH
by: Samuel Butler (1612-1680)
- E was
in Logick a great Critick,
- Profoundly skill'd in Analytick.
- He could distinguish, and divide
- A Hair 'twixt South and South-West side:
- On either which he would dispute,
- Confute, change hands, and still confute.
- He'd undertake to prove by force
- Of Argument, a Man's no Horse.
- He'd prove a Buzard is no Fowl,
- And that a Lord may be an Owl;
- A Calf an Alderman, a Goose a Justice,
- And Rooks Committee-men and Trustees.
- He'd run in Debt by Disputation,
- And pay with Ratiocination,
- All this by Syllogism, true
- In Mood and Figure, he would do.
-
- In Mathematicks he was greater
- Than Tycho Brahe, or Ezra Pater:
- For he by Geometrick scale
- Could take the size of Pots of Ale;
- Resolve by Signes and Tangents straight,
- If Bread or Butter wanted weight;
- And wisely tell what hour o'th day
- The Clock does strike, by Algebra.
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- Beside he was a shrewd Philosopher;
- And had read every Text and gloss over:
- What e'er the crabbed'st Author hath
- He understood b'implicit Faith,
- What ever Sceptick could inquere for;
- For every why he had a wherefore:
- Knew more then forty of them do,
- As far as words and terms could go.
- All which he understood by Rote,
- And as occasion serv'd, would quote;
- No matter whether right or wrong:
- They might be either said or sung.
- His Notions fitted things so well,
- That which was which he could not tell;
- But oftentimes mistook the one
- For th'other, as Great Clerks have done.
- He could reduce all things to Acts
- And knew their Natures by Abstracts,
- Where Entity and Quiddity
- The Ghosts of defunct Bodies flie;
- Where Truth in Person does appear,
- Like words congeal'd in Northern Air.
- He knew what's what, and that's as high
- As Metaphysick wit can fly.
- In School Divinity as able
- As he that hight Irrefragable;
- Profound in all the Nominal
- And real ways beyond them all,
- And with as delicate a Hand
- Could twist as tough a Rope of Sand,
- And weave fine Cobwebs, fit for skull
- That's empty when the moon is full;
- Such as take Lodgings in a Head
- That's to be lett unfurnished.
- He could raise Scruples dark and nice,
- And after solve them in a trice:
- As if Divinity had catch'd
- The Itch, of purpose to be scratch'd;
- Or, like a Mountebank, did wound
- And stab herself with doubts profound,
- Only to shew with how small pain
- The sores of faith are cur'd again;
- Although by woful proof we find,
- They always leave a Scar behind.
- He knew the Seat of Paradise,
- Could tell in what degree it lies:
- And, as he was dispos'd, could prove it,
- Below the Moon, or else above it:
- What Adam dreamt of when his Bride
- Came from her Closet in his side:
- Whether the Devil tempted her
- By a High Dutch Interpreter:
- If either of them had a Navel;
- Who first made Musick malleable:
- Whether the Serpent at the fall
- Had cloven Feet, or none at all,
- All this without a Gloss or Comment,
- He would unriddle in a moment
- In proper terms, such as men smatter
- When they throw out and miss the matter.
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