PHYLLIS
by: Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
- ESPONDING
Phyllis was endued
- With ev'ry talent of a prude:
- She trembled when a man drew near;
- Salute her, and she turned her ear:
- I o'er against her you were placed,
- She durst not look above your waist:
- She'd rather take you to her bed,
- Than let you see her dress her head;
- In church you hear her, thro' the crowd,
- Repeat the absolution loud:
- In church, secure behind her fan,
- She durst behold that monster man:
- There practised how to place her head,
- And bite her lips to make them red;
- Or, on the mat devoutly kneeling,
- Would lift her eyes up to the ceiling.
- For neighboring beaux to see it bare.
-
- At length a lucky lover came,
- And found admittance to the dame.
- Suppose all parties now agreed,
- The writings drawn, the lawyer feed,
- The vicar and the ring bespoke:
- Guess, how could such a match be broke?
- See then what mortals place their bliss in!
- Next morn betimes the bride was missing:
- The mother screamed, the father chid;
- Where can this idle wench be hid?
- No news of Phyl! the bridegroom came,
- And thought his bride had skulked for shame;
- Because her father used to say,
- The girl had such a bashful way!
-
- Now John the butler must be sent
- To learn the road that Phyllis went:
- The groom was wished to saddle Crop;
- For John must neither light nor stop,
- But find her, wheresoe'er she fled,
- And bring her back alive or dead.
- See here again the devil to do!
- For truly John was missing too:
- The horse and pillion both were gone!
- Phyllis, it seems, was fled with John.
-
- Old Madam, who went up to find
- What papers Phyl had left behind,
- A letter on the toilet sees,
- "To my much honoured father--these--"
- ('Tis always done, romances tell us,
- When daughters run away with fellows,)
- Filled with the choicest common-places,
- By others used in the like cases.
- "That long ago a fortune-teller
- Exactly said what now befell her;
- And in a glass had made her see
- A serving-man of low degree.
- It was her fate, must be forgiven;
- For marriages were made in Heaven:
- His pardon begged: but, to be plain,
- She'd do't if 'twere to do again:
- Thank'd God, 'twas neither shame nor sin;
- For John was come of honest kin.
- Love never thinks of rich and poor;
- She'd beg with John from door to door.
- Forgive her, if it be a crime;
- She'll never do't another time.
- She ne'er before in all her life
- Once disobey'd him, maid nor wife."
- One argument she summ'd up all in,
- "The thing was done and past recalling;
- And therefore hoped she should recover
- His favour when his passion's over.
- She valued not what others thought her,
- And was--his most obedient daughter."
- Fair maidens all, attend the Muse,
- Who now the wand'ring pair pursues:
- Away they rode in homely sort,
- Their journey long, their money short;
- The loving couple well bemired;
- The horse and both the riders tired:
- Their vituals bad, their lodgings worse;
- Phyl cried! and John began to curse:
- Phyl wished that she had strained a limb,
- When first she ventured out with him;
- John wish'd that he had broke a leg,
- When first for her he quitted Peg.
-
- But what adventures more befell 'em,
- The Must hath no time to tell 'em;
- How Johnny wheedled, threatened, fawned,
- Till Phyllis all her trinkets pawn'd:
- How oft she broke her marriage vows,
- In kindness to maintain her spouse,
- Till swains unwholesome spoiled the trade;
- For now the surgeon must be paid,
- To whom those perquisites are gone,
- In Christian justice due to John.
-
- When food and raiment now grew scarce,
- Fate put a period to the farce,
- And with exact poetic justice;
- For John was landlord, Phyllis hostess;
- They keep, at Stains, the Old Blue Boar,
- Are cat and dog, and rogue and whore.
"Phyllis" is reprinted
from Miscellanies in Prose and Verse. Jonathan Swift.
London: Benjamin Motte, 1727. |
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